I Don’t Know
It’s a bit odd to feel the changes that happen around us. How feelings change. How people change. How things change. And sometimes, it’s not for the better. We tend to forget who we were and what we were. We ask the question “What happened?” or “Who was I?” in our minds but we frequently ignore it anyways because we don’t want confrontations. We don’t want to face sunsets. We don’t want to let go. We’re just humans. We make mistakes and never realize what we have until we lose them so we let go of them because it’s hard to get things back.
Love. Love for others is such an overrated word. Love for some is just love. Come and go. On the other hand, it’s life for others. But how will we know if that’s it? That’s… you know. The feeling. The feeling of paradise. The feeling of everlasting. The feeling of “THIS IS IT I SWEAR”. No one can explain it to me I guess. No one will put an effort to explain that to someone like me.
I myself do not know anymore how it feels like. I mean, giving your whole life to someone. All that you have. Giving up everything. For me, that’s not love. Love for me is balancing everything. Giving time to friends, family and that person. Without one exceeding the love I can give to them. Everything should have equality in terms of love and time. Maybe you’ll be calling me bad, horrible, insensitive, jerk and stuff like that but that’s how I see it. But of course, I treat them differently with each other. Different ways of expressing my love for them. But maybe the different became the same.
I became a rock since the moment I returned back to my shell and lived on my own once again. Learned to stand on my own and all. My perspectives about change and love changed. It became “mind over heart” for me. I became wise. Which I can’t say if it’s a good thing or a bad thing. I don’t know. I always don’t know. I will never know. Something must’ve really happened. Something that I was not able to see because I closed my eyes and was afraid to open them. I can’t even tell and explain to myself what was that. Maybe I just really sucked and lost myself somewhere. What happened… What happened to me…
Maybe this was the reason why.