April 1, 2013
This could be the perfect photo to describe how I feel today. Black and white, sentimental raindrops and faded sky. Today, I came to the point of staring at nothing thinking about shits. It’s like a moment where I would very much appreciate John Mayer if he’ll suddenly do a sexy guitar solo. That kind of feeling. Raindrops in the photo scattered as how ideas, feelings and realizations are mixed up in my mind. I never thought I would feel this again in such a short period of time. I lost the losing fight.
Committing is giving yourself to the other. Giving by means of giving what the other expects of you or simply, what the other needs. But of course, you’re only supposed to give it if it’s reasonable. (Don’t be a stupid sick puppy in love.) And this is how it works for me. These shits were what I learned before because I didn’t give the other things that were expected from me. All I saw were bullshit unnecessary things that were pleaded to me and seeing things that way returned fire bullshits on my face.
As how the photo’s messed up, that’s how messed up my feelings are. I just don’t know what to feel. I’m always weak.
Considerably, *insert a feeling*.